I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
