im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
