I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
