apparently the secret to your success is patron
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
