brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
