Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Acid is not a monday night drug
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
