I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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