why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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