Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Duck Duck Cougar?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
