Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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