hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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