Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize