my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
