I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
