Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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