You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
