Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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