you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My vagina just clenched in fear
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
