Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
