So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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