he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize