I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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