Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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