In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
