I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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