Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
