bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
we made out on top of his cat.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
