is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
should my penis look like a turkey
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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