some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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