even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
