thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
