So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
