I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
