I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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