don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
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Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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