arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Randomize
