You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
