saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
