She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She's the barista slut.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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