I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
