I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
