A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
