I wish my penis had an off switch
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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