now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
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It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
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i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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