Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
