no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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