Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
