Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
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I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
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Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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