Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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