If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
sarcasm needs its own font
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I have fence marks all over my body
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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