Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
