Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
