Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
