Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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