Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
