the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
