John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
