Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
