Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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