weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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